Conquest: There Is An App For That

iConquest

The controversial new iphone app “iConquest” (icon pictured left) has a new record number of downloads, but is it going too far?

The app available on the new Malus iPhone allows users to randomly select the next barbaric region of Terra to invade. The selection is completely random all a citizen has to do is shake the device and the application utilizes the iphone’s built in motion sensors to select a region of the world to pillage and plunder. Critics of the application say that randomly choosing to invade a territory of not-Rome is cruel and senseless. The makers of the app say that these comments are only made by misguided individuals who are most likely just whining pussies who were clearly hugged by their fathers.

The simple application has even ruffled some feathers in the Senate—Tribune Lucius Titianus explains “Choosing where to send our glorious armies is not something that should be left to chance— we have time honored and sacred means of diving where to unleash our murderous rage. This is an insult to our sacred chickens.”

We tried contacting a member of the Miraculous Avian Diving League of Yeoman (MADLY) but we could not get a quote from a member of the organization. A random passerby did have this to say “I’m like…all for chickens and all but…they you know…take too much time, if I go two days without plunging a sword into something then I’m just like, you know ready to go. So come on already and like make up your minds…chickens.”

For now we can’t say what impact this will have on policy but pressure is mounting from the populous to act on the massive amount of sciency data collected from the millions of users—passively choosing to destroy lives. 

The chickens were
understandably cagey on the subject