Qualitative Review Of Awkwardness Due To Walking

3D plot of awkward as a function of distance and time

As anyone who has ever set foot in any form of civilized society should already know there are rules that must be followed to ensure a safe and normal cohabitation with others. Unfortunately some of these rules are unwritten, some of them are subjective and because of their ambiguous nature we are always doomed to miserably fail in abiding by them. Recently I’ve tried to visualize a common source of potential social awkwardness—walking near other people.

The problem when walking is that there are other people in the world and something called personal space. Though this personal “bubble” differs in size between people it’s generally agreed that the closer two people get the more awkward. This has been shown in numerous experiments and does not require further justification, but for additional research I suggest touching someone.

As with most forms of awkwardness there is an issue with time—in that it exists and while it does things will get more awkward. Generally the longer an awkward situation occurs the more awkward it gets, and depending on the circumstances can cross over to become “creepy”. Putting these things together we can see the 3D plot of distance, time and the resulting awkwardness.

Awkward as a function of distance and time

The graph shows that no matter what distance at any amount of time there is some amount of awkwardness. The zero-plane is an important marker dividing between just regular awkwardness (like showing your ID at the liquor store) to the creepy zone (laughing out loud on a silent bus). Above the zero-plane it’s creepy and even so at greater distances eventually you’re stalking—whether you want to or not.

No way around

Sometimes you may try to avoid people entirely—this can even create an uneasy phenomenon known as avoidance failure. Avoidance can work only once per day, if you try to avoid the same person twice in one day it will be obvious that you’re afraid of the awkwardness and now in addition to being awkward you’re a wuss and the other kids 

will call you names.

There are also several modifiers that are not represented in the graph. For instance—after astronomical twilight occurs the entire graph is shifted up drastically redefining what is creepy (everything). It’s also true that you can overcome much awkwardness with the power of numbers (people) or at the very least you can distribute the amount of discomfort between your friends. However you don’t have any friends—probably.

However there is some hope, if forced to walk a crowded street try to find a group headed in your direction and sidle in close to the back maintaining a “distance of deniability”. A DoD is a safe following distance where the group doesn’t feel uneasy (they’re dispersing the awkward among themselves) while others on the street assume that you belong to the larger group.

I hope I’ve shed some light on this taboo topic and helped others realize they are not alone (metaphorically). However until we all walk the earth in our own clearly defined bubbles from which we can avoid making eye contact we will have to observe the rules of walking, in public, around people.

Some day