So your cellphone
broke? Maybe you dropped it in some water—maybe you threw it, casually assaulting
a colleague. Maybe you just don’t think your personality is appropriately reflected
by your cell phone anymore—because you are a raging asshole.
Being a
self-obsessed asshole there are so many options when it comes to replacing your
cellphone. What carrier best enhances you to share your anti-social tendencies with
your nest of friends? Which phone will look best when impressing all the people
I’m ignoring at a party. Which phone will help me be a better stalker?
Being
inundated with cellphone advertisements you might become uncharacteristically
sure of yourself so let me help you...
Ideal
for a stalker: Virgin Mobile
Ideal for sociopath: Sprint Mobile
Are you more of a mainstream asshole? Using your charms (and
phone) to seduce, use and never see women again? Boost Mobile has a phone for you!
Are you the competitive mid-lifer suburban asshole whose
sole purpose is one upping his neighbor?
Sprint has you covered:
Still have friends? Need to have your friends know how better you are than them?
Try
AT&T:
There are many different models, megapixels, 3G or 4G but
honestly we know the only thing that matters is that it’s newer and makes you
feel more important than the friends you seem to hate so much.
For the elitist asshole there is only one choice, and you
know it.
 |
| Siri will always think you're cool |
