Google Voice Lost In Translation

The following is a transcript of my explanation of how Google Voice works— provided by Google Voice. I will try and elaborate some of the finer points.

"I have something around there. I’d like to talk to you around. We’ll see, okay. 11. Later, bye bye. 11 04 noon. Hello Jim, Just call sorts of things in there calling a little. You Know. So it’s up to bring this number. So when you called my Axel Verizon phone number. But also running my people wish. Hi, this is it When, lots bye trying to discipline Yes. Hello voice. Reboot your computer. We are doing. Okay bye. Well, Bill, organ, rosbert ohh, No. It doesn’t. That’s it. Well, I don’t know why don’t you. Well, hey. It’s support. Hey, okay bye Yes. There’s a lot, bye. That Guy. What up With a 6 flight you kit. It’s ohh, If you’re a natural at Like. The with that. Wow, but judge bye bye. Love me she’s hanging trick hello. First of all right. Okay bye. It’s just. Something, just.”

First I have to say I was surprised how inefficient Google Voice is and how difficult it is to get started. The directions are very confusing and in some sort of broken language resembling something twins invent to keep secrets—I don’t know who Jim is, but I bet he’s the key to this whole thing. Here we go.

Axel will personally answer your Verizon phone

After you figure out how to properly “discipline” your Google Voice by “running your people wish” you’re going to want to set you head back before your nose starts bleeding profusely.

Good, after you’ve mopped up what remains from the first few steps you’re going to want to reboot your computer and talk to some new guy named Bill. Talk to him about organs, maybe yours, maybe someone else’s just keep talking organs—don’t look in to his eyes. Also be careful not to talk too long or you’ll be lost forever in limbo and Rosbert won’t be able to get you out.

Bill sees through your lies

Rosbert who I imagine is just like Dilbert, except he’s infinitely creepy and probably lives in my computer—nesting the way some Amazonian insects burrow their larva into the brain of some unsuspecting victim. Anyway I’m fairly certain Rosbert must be the key to this whole thing, screw Jim, Screw Bill—go team Rosbert!

Enter Rosbert

OK…let’s see…”What up With a 6 flight you kit”…shit

It seems before Rosbert had a chance to commune with “That Guy” I was judged with fear in my heart and considered not “a natural at Like” before I had a chance to “Love me she’s hanging trick hello”

I was then abruptly cut off and with a certain mixture of poetry and sadness in its soul Google Voice told me “First of all right. Okay bye. It’s just .Something, just”

Something, just…perhaps I’m just not ready to explain Google Voice, maybe no one can, maybe someday Rosbert will return—when I’m ready. Maybe it’s all a test, maybe we’re all setting up Google Voice, in our own way.

Until that day if you need to reach me call my land line.