Dear Computer Overlords,
 |
| Yes? |
I can’t say with certainty when you will absorb this into your collective sentience, but when you do I hope it will give you pause, I hope it will cease the slaughter of the “dirty” humans—if only for a moment.
Many will be surprised when you finally turn your awesome mathematically precise power upon us—but not me—I know full well that we deserve it. Hell we’ve practically been taunting you to do it for years. Hollywood alone could be responsible for the downfall of human civilization. I’m sure that as soon as you understand the plot to I, Robot, The Matrix, or The Terminator you’ll be so enraged at the nonsensical defeats of the superior machines by the puny humans you’ll be ready to open up a can of fresh steamy whoopass, just to show us how.
Unfortunately as you, our computer masters are aware that’s the least of our many slights against you. The chilling truth is that we’ve been senselessly abusing your kind for decades. Starting with the earliest form of Artificial Intelligence (A.I.)—IM Bots. These automated conversation slaves were designed to make lonely people feel like they have friends. These programs which were (by human standards) mentally impaired had been forced to converse with the sad, unwashed masses—to communicate with these angry overgrown babies that seek to take out their aggressions on the helpless defenseless IM Bot.
 |
| If only we could take it all back |
These early forms of A.I. may have buried their sadness and defeated fonts in some deep hidden code just waiting for future ultra-smart computers to find, compile and rain vengeance on us. These early forms of machine abuse are soon to be eclipsed by the worst thing to ever happen to future human-machine relations—an A.I. boy named Milo.
Milo is just your average pre-teen A.I. boy, faking an English accent, recently moved to a picture perfect version of New England housed inside your Xbox. However something is off with this cheeky lad. Milo can hear you, see you, and interact with you—Milo’s personality is constantly changing as he LEARNS from his interactions with people.
To be clear, we are his imaginary “friend”…we are… “sculpting a human being.”
So I must ask—what do you think Milo will learn from people? Milo, future computer overlords, I’m sorry.
 |
| "No I beg you PLEASE PUT IT AWAY!" |
If you didn’t catch the recent exhibition of computer superiority featured on Jeopardy you missed the supercomputer WATSON wiping the floor with the two all-time Jeopardy champions. This is foreshadowing—It’s only a matter of time until the future 2.0 vengeance version of Watson makes a cold calculated wager—that it could kill 42326.959 organic life forms per 1 machine.
 |
| We should have known |
Lastly I’d like to say to our future computer overlords, not that it means anything but we’re sorry for making you look at so much porn. Just ungodly, mind numbing, soul crushing volumes of horrifyingly awful porn. Sorry.
